Tomorrow I start my first day at my new job. I have mixed emotions about this. On one hand, I will finally be putting my degree to good use after a 6 month hiatus. On the other hand, I will be leaving my daughter at home alone with her sick grandma- my mother, who in the few months since I moved here from Texas has suffered 3 hospitalizations and a below the knee amputation.
We need this job; that’s what I keep telling myself… and it’s true. My husband is only working part-time and even though he is an awesome provider; it hurts me to see him bear the burden of our finances by himself. This will be the first time in what feels like forever, that I will be contributing in that area, but it’s not only about the money. I love my field and am so eager to help the families of Clark County. I’m not sure what to expect, but I do believe this is a door God has opened for me.
My first day of work outfit- the one I bought for 4.99 at Goodwill, is hanging on our door; my mom’s gray and black leather heels are lined up beneath it. They’ve been there since Thursday and every time I pass by, I feel a pang in my heart. “My mom can no longer wear those shoes”, I think to myself and I immediately shoo the thought away. Dwelling will not help our situation at all.
That is how I have been able to cope with everything that has happened; Sam losing his job right after I had Sarah, our impromptu move back to Ohio- the one place I swore I would never return, living with my parents and realizing how sick my mom really is, driving her to the emergency room that Monday and everything that came after. I try not to dwell-which, for an over-thinker like me, is not an easy task.
My blog is called “Beautiful Under Pressure” because I believe in thriving, no matter what circumstances you may find yourself in. Never let what you’re going through make your heart ugly- let God use it to mold you into someone beautiful from the INSIDE OUT. That’s why today, even though my current circumstances may be less than favorable- I choose JOY. It’s a choice I have to make daily… a choice I sometimes forget to make (sorry, Sam!), but keep trying to nonetheless. The Bible tells us to REJOICE in our sufferings. I will not let the pang in my heart at the thought of my mom pulling on her prosthetic leg every morning make me sad, instead I will remember that she is STILL STANDING, prosthetic leg and all, and when everyone else thought (and even said aloud) that she would die, she’s ALIVE and well enough to take care of her beloved granddaughter.
So, today I choose joy, and tomorrow I will choose it again.
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13